On Teamwork

Oh, isn't university such a funny thing?

It certainly is, if you meet the right people.

To me, this semester's seminar on speech gave me quite some funny moments. We were supposed to prepare a speech on any topic we wanted. What was important was the way we presented it. That means, how we used our voice. We were to hold a speech in clear German, with a strong and steady voice, not too fast, not too slow etc. etc. etc.

(On a side note: That means that our whole seminar, up till now, was nothing more than people holding short speeches without any valuable content. That's why I did not always attend the classes - there was nothing to learn and nothing to miss.)

Our voice would be recorded while holding the speech, and afterwards it is to be analyzed in a paper. However, we are not supposed to analyze our own speech, but that of our partner.
Yessss, we were teamed up into pairs. We were supposed to coach each other and help each other find our own weaknesses to make our speech as good as possible.

As I didn't know anyone in that class I just picked some guy who didn't seem to have a partner yet.
He seemed more or less alright ---- but you know, I have a talent for picking strange fellows.

Anyway, it started well: Befriend each other on Facebook (and put him on "hide list" 5 seconds later).
I was pleased when he wrote to me " Let's do our first meeting next week after the seminar."
Next week, after the seminar: I wait for him to pack his bags while he's chatting with some friends. Several minutes later, he's coming over and tells me:"Actually, my next class starts soon and I really need to eat something. And I haven't prepared anything yet, so there's nothing I could even discuss now, but I just wanted to say hi and maybe decide when we'll meet for the next time."

Hm.... Ok, if he knows that he won't have time, why does he set our meeting on that time? My answer was like "That's ok, it's not like I've decided on my speech yet either." (Actually, I had picked my topic and wanted to hear a second opinion....)

Some weeks later: After class, I go to the restroom. I have several horrible blisters on my feet and they're killing me. I walk with the speed of a snail.
After about 50 meters I finally reach the restrooms and enter them. I hear a voice behind me: "Yo, hey, you, wait.....not you, the one in front of you!"
The words were addressed to a girl walking behind me. That guy followed me for 50 meters and did not care to catch up with me even though I really crouched more than I walked. So I have to get back out of the restroom (it is called RESTroom because most people like to REST there in peace and not be called out!) and he asks me whether I'd like to have our next meeting next week - after the seminar. His other class only lasted for like six weeks, so he's totally free after the seminar now.
I agree.
The day of the meeting. One of my teachers is sick. My first class is canceled. So there'd only be that other class today. There's hardly any reason to ride my bike for one hour to university, listen to meaningless babbling about whatever, and then ride back for another hour. Buuuuut we have our meeting, so I do attend the class.
When I enter the room, he's sitting there. Being nice, I sit down next to him. It takes some time until he recognizes me. WTF???
Then he says "Did you get my message?"
I connect my iPod to the WLAN and get a message from him via Facebook, sent about 10 minutes before class started. "Hi, I tooootally forgot we wanted to meet today. I have made an appointment at the physician. And I haven't actually prepared anything yet."

So I tell him "Bah, that's ok. I haven't prepared that much either." Well, I had really thought I hadn't prepared that much - I had just collected everything I wanted to say and just needed to put them in the best order.

I was a little annoyed, but more than that, I was amused. What a brainless loser. Well, I might have lost a few hours of the day, but at the same time, I didn't have to go running that day. The cycling did the job for my legs.

Next try: On a monday he calls me. Am I at university now? Yes. Where am I? Room xxxx. Can he come over to decide on our next meeting? Ooookay, but please hurry. It's lunchtime in 15 minutes.
20 minutes later he calls me "I am around room xxyy, where is room xxxx?" - "Try following the corridor. The last two numbers will change."
I meet him halfway, that retard wouldn't have found me anyway. I keep it short this time, I am hungry and my colleagues will set out to lunch in a few minutes.
We decide to meet on thursday, 6 days before it will be our turn at the seminar. One day after the match of Germany vs. Ghana.

Wednesday: my speech is almost complete, there are just two minor gaps where I want to fill in quotations. The rest is complete.
Being prepared so well, I go to public viewing with my colleagues on wednesday, have fun, get up early on thursday, work the whole day and wait for my meeting with B in the evening.

He comes!
He greets me with the words:"I am totally wasted, it was soccer yesterday and I drank like hell and I smoked pot for the first time since Idunnoayearorsumthing."
Ok.
I don't care. I give him my speech, he gives me some hints, some of them are good, others are like "WTF?" When he tells me that there are two of my sentences that are hard to understand when you just hear them, I wonder whether that's due to the length of the sentences or due to him being wasted and dumb as hell.

AND HOLY SHIT I CAN'T HEAR THAT STUFF ABOUT ME TALKING TOO FAST ANYMORE!!! SPEED UP YOUR LISTENING!!!

I don't say that. I just think it.

He has prepared some minor ideas for his speech. They are boring as hell. But he is quite good at speaking, I have to admit. He explains that he had professional training before. I see. Makes my job easier. And as long as someone speaks well, however boring the topic may be it is still fun to listen. Even to him. More or less.

He wants to meet once more during the weekend.
I am not totally against group meetings on weekends, if they are really necessary, and IF the group members are trying really hard. So this guy has not only stood me up several times, no, he is even unable to meet me sober - on a thursday!!! And now HE wants to meet me again at the weekend? How wasted will he be then?
Not me, honey.

So he wants to meet on monday evening and tuesday afternoon. Baaaah, don't want to! We decide on a skype meeting on monday. I give him my skype name.

Monday, 19:30: He has not added me yet.
Monday, 20:00: Same.
Monday, 20:30: He has not added me yet, but I am being informed that I can get loads of willing sex slaves by clicking some link.
Monday, 21:00: I go and watch the rest of the World Cup match.
Monday, 22:40: I go back to skype and find that he has tried to contact me around 21:40. Sorry, too late, honey.
Anyway, I text him on skype. His response: "Hi, sorry, I'm really tired. Are you ok if we only meet tomorrow?"

Oh, biatch, I'd be even more ok than just ok if we didn't meet again at all!

Anyway, we decide to meet. Me:"I have a class till 15:45. I'll come with my bike afterwards. Should not take more than 20 minutes to our meeting point. So I guess it will be around 4."

Next day: I text him on 15:40:"I'm leaving now. Will be there at 16:00."
I arrive.
16:03: I get a message back: "Oh, hey sorry, I only just read your message. I'll come right away."
WTF? If you expect a message at 15:45, then fucking check your phone every other minute!

16:20: He arrives. "Sorry, I was delayed." You are not delayed, you are retarded.

We walk around, trying to find a nice place to sit down. I already have a park in mind where we could go.
16:30: We find a nice spot at the park to sit down.
16:30: "Ok, now I first have to get myself something to drink."
We met at Friedrichstraße. There are tons of places to buy something to drink. Why doesn't he get something on the way, but waits till we arrive in the middle of a fucking park and then sets out to find a store???"
16:47: He returns. We can finally start. My speech is complete. He has prepared about half of his own. He will fill it up in the evening. Much for me to coach, if there is no material to examine.
Oh, and at one point, he farted. Loudly. He apologized. I said something like "Never mind". Then he started to laugh. I laughed, too. Actually, I REALLY laughed. Not because I liked him, but because this guy was so unbearably retarded that you could not help laughing at him.

That was yesterday.

Today we held our speeches. Five speeches in total, me being number 4, he being the last one.
My audience literally hung on my lips. They loved me. I was the only one in that seminar who ever got a complete thumbs up and left the audience, that was to judge afterwards, with nothing but "we wouldn't know what to criticize."
Even the professor said "There is nothing I could tell you to improve." And that means something.

Then it was B's turn.
He was nervous. The big master of speech, the one who had been professionally trained before and gave me so many well-meant hints in his know-it-all-way (and I didn't follow most of them, for that would not have been me speaking), was so nervous that he messed up the beginning of this speech. He was not fluent, he was not energetic, and his topic was awfully boring. He spoke so slowly that it was hard to follow. The professor said "speaking fast but clearly and with a lot of intonation is far better than speaking slowly." - After B had tried to slow me down so much!

If I had had a chance to see the complete speech before I would have helped B shorten his sentences and make things more interesting. We could have properly worked on it.
That way, he SUCKED and people told him so.
I looked so sorry for him, and I assured him that the professor kind of must hate him ("Well, yes, that might be true, I have quarreled with him before.") and after he was nervous in the beginning he did really good!
Buaaaaht evil me did not really think so. I laughed my ass off, for I rocked the house (.... well.....as much as you can rock a seminar on a 30° day) and he went down down down down down.

As I said before: I was never really angry at that guy. I was rather amused by his horrible working moral. I didn't care too much, because - sorry for being arrogant - I know where my talents lie, and I KNEW beforehand that my speech would turn out great, for I am just good at doing these things when it gets to the real thing.

So much for Teamwork.