There was this job I had.
(For detailed information, see to my posts from the time around january to march 2011. To make things short: It was a fucking shitty job that I totally failed at and only the big earthquake on march 11 "saved me" from continuing that stuff.)
A few weeks ago, they contacted me again. They said that they wanted to resume work on that project. When I saw their mail and was reminded of the emotional struggles I had gone through, my day was effectively ruined.
As my parents were on vacation, I did not respond at once. I waited until my parents were back some weeks later and then I asked them to help me answer in a way that would make it absolutely clear that there was no chance that I would continue that project without sounding impolite or incapable.
Well, mom and dad came back. They helped me write a good text (starting with "due to vacation I could not answer you earlier") and then ----- the company answered me again. If I could reallyreallyreally not continue? And if so, if I knew anyone who could continue the project?
Another mail followed short after that: Couldn't I send them the phone interview guides and their translations?
Weeeeeeeeeell.
You might think: Well, what's the problem with that?
The problem with that is that I had never been told that I'd have to send them my translations. That's why the versions that I had in my computer were only rough draws. Hardly any complete sentence, German and Japanese mixed together and stuff like that. Probably some mistakes as well.
Especially for the second interview guide I had done almost the whole translation with good old pen and paper. So sending those people a "good version" of my translations would have taken hours to make.
HAH!!!
Actually, I didn't really care anymore.
I just checked the word documents for some horrible spelling mistakes and then I sent that stuff to them (in my mail I informed them that it was only drafts, of course).
I was kind enough to inform them that they could write to the japanology clerk who'd send their job offer to aaaaaaall the students of HU, so they could find a replacement for me quickly.
As for me, that was more than I would have had to do. Their new telephone guy/girl will have to make an own translation anyway, in order to sound fluent and good.
Buuuuuuut now that I was to send them some stuff, I finally found the courage to send them the last bill that I hadn't yet sent to them.
So I'm hoping for some money soon.
Still, these things make me so angry. Why in the world am I such a loser when it comes to being official and writing mails I feel uncomfortable about? When it's my university job, I can do all that quite well. It's not always very pleasant, but I do these things in time, I do them good, I do them without thinking too much.
But this job, this horrible job, really brought me down. I mean, honestly, it had taken me so long, so unbelievably long, to make such few calls, that I can't even call the money I got "income", but compensation money.
And then, when the tsunami came and the project was paused, I had not thought about sending a bill for a few weeks. And then, when I remembered, I was so scared of writing to them! I thought it might "remind" them of the project, and as soon as I'd send my bill, they might use the chance to answer me "well, this is a good time to continue" that I was perfectly willing to give up on the money! Who needed that money, I just had to get away from that job.
Now that I have sent my data and closed the envelope with the bill, to be taken to the mail tomorrow morning, I feel as if my story with that company is finally going to end soon.
I feel a little better now and I am looking forward to getting my money, but I am so angry at myself. Why in the world can't I just be professional? I'm fucking 27 years old!!! Still I need mommy and daddy to help me write perfectly simple texts.
Geeeeeeeez.
Let's just hope that I will get my money and no more stupid mails from that company. I have made it quite clear that my time is limited, so I hope they'll leave me alone.
Diese kleinen, fiesen, inneren Dämonen, die eine eigentlich gestandene Frau vor Schreck zusammenzucken lassen können - ich glaube, jeder hat so etwas, oder? Besonders, wenn man, wie in deinem Fall mit dem Job, nicht gerade schöne Erinnerungen daran knüpft >.< Ich zum Beispiel HASSE es "offizielle" Termine absagen zu müssen - Arzttermine, Vorstellungegespräche, Termine bei meinem Bankberater ............. und ich schieb es dann immer so lange auf, dass ich schließlich zu einem Zeitpunkt absage, wo es eigentlich schon unhöflich ist, so kurz vorher abzusagen -.- Und wenn ein wenig moralische Unterstützung von den Eltern helfen kann, sich da trotzdem durchzubeißen, gibt es doch nichts besseres ;D
ReplyDeleteDiana hat Recht, jeder hat so was. Und ich würde genau wie du lieber auf das Geld verzichten als mich nochmal freiwillig in die Klauen dieses Vereins zu begeben... wobei ich sonst eigentlich immer versuche, mein Geld zusammenzuhalten.
ReplyDeleteD: Ohhhh ja, offizielle Termine sind bei mir sowieso immer so eine Sache. Naja, zum Beispiel beim Bankberater wird das lustig, denn da geh ich immer zusammen mit Mutti und Vati hin und dann müssen wir alle drei da Zeit haben. Die Terminabstimmung ist jedes Mal aufs neue ein Stressfaktor, aber wenigstens geh ich so ohne Angst, was falsches zu unterschreiben, in den Termin.
ReplyDeleteUnd wenn man nen Termin absagen muss und das so unangenehm ist, das kenn ich! Und dann wird es immer schlimmer und man hat immer mehr Angst davor, da anzurufen :(
Tabea: So langsam fühl ich mich besser, weil es anscheinend auch anderen NICHT dummen oder ungebildeten Leuten so geht. Mein Bruder konnte das mit dem Geld auch immer nicht verstehen, und hat mich immer gedrängt, deshalb mal was zu machen. Aber mir war es echt lieber, mich einfach nicht bei denen melden zu müssen.
Naja, mal schauen...