Onitsuka Chihiro - Infection

I did mention my favourite Japanese song before, but actually, after I read a little more about the woman who composed and sung this song, I found a completely new approach to it. I always hated that the translation that is available on the internet has, while it is overall done well, one grave mistake, and several minor ones. And I always thought I might do a translation as well. I know that I might not stay as close to the lyrics as my professor would want it, I also know that I might have understood one or two things in the wrong way, but I hope you won’t mind.

I’ll post a link to the video clip, as I think it really suits the song, and it’s a great song, so listen to it, if you want to. I love how she is blindfolded in her video, and how she is immobile, and those two women are all around her. My favourite part is around 03:18, when she is sitting on the ground. There are many details in the video, and I hope, I’ll understand more of them….

What else to say? I love the artist. Not only does she sing with a beautiful voice that’s not too high-pitched, she is also a pretty natural-looking woman who is, in her live concerts, focusing on the singing, not wearing princess doll clothing. She is usually dressed pretty simple, but her way of singing, or better, her movements while singing are very unique. She clearly looks like she’s giving it her all when she performs. I like that.

Onitsuka Chihiro - Infection

「なんとかうまく答えなくちゃ」そしてこの舌に雑草が増えて行く
鼓動を横切る影が　また誰かの仮面を剥ぎ取ってしまう
In the night I sit down as if I'm dead
爆破して飛び散った心の破片が　そこら中できらきら光っているけど
いつの間に私はこんなに弱くなったのだろう

足が竦んでしまう事も　気にならない振りをしているの
私の愚かな病は　だんだんひどくなっていくばかり
In the night I realize this infection
爆破して飛び散った心の破片が　そこら中できらきら光っているけど
いつの間に私はこんなに弱くなったのだろう

あらゆる小さな熱に怯えはじめてる　私に勝ち目などないのに
目を覚まさなくちゃ

爆破して飛び散った心の破片が　破片が　破片が
そこら中で・・
いつの間に私はこんなに弱くなったのだろう


Somehow I have to give you a really good answer now
- and right away there are weeds growing around my tongue.
A shadow, crossing the heart, rips off another person’s mask.
In the night I sit down as if I’m dead.
My heart was smashed in an explosion, and its fragments
are all around me, sparkling brightly.
But when did I become this weak?

My legs are cramped, but I act
As if I wouldn’t care.
It seems my foolish disease is only getting worse and worse.
In the night I realize this infection.
My heart was smashed in an explosion, and its fragments
are all around me, sparkling brightly.
But when did I become this weak?

I start to get scared by every little kind of fever,
But even though I have no chance of winning,
I have to open my eyes.

My heart was smashed in an explosion, and its fragments
are all around me, sparkling brightly.
But when did I become this weak?
My heart was smashed in an explosion, and its fragments…
Fragments…. Fragments…. All around me….
When did I become this weak?


I do not very often find songs that have lyrics that really make me feel like I know exactly what the lyricist wanted to express, but this was a song that punctuated a sensitive spot inside my mind (or heart, or… whatever), as it described so many feelings I know very well (and probably many more people).
However, to me, this was very clearly a song about a woman who loved and lost. In my interpretation, the beginning of the song indicated that a man had just broken up with her, and that she really wants to give him a good reply, but she feels paralyzed, as if the weeds were tying her tongue down. And her heartbeat stops for a second, it feels as if her chest was cramped and her body is turning cold as ice, as if there was no sun and no light shining on her anymore. She can’t control her facial expression, and even though she doesn’t want him to see her pain it’s clearly written on her face, but she can’t help it. She has lost all her energy and can only sit there, not finding the strength to move.
Her heart looked once so beautiful, but now it’s shattered into pieces, and all those pieces are still beautiful, lying all around her so that she can’t see anything else but those fragments full of memories and dreams. She wonders when she became so fragile that this could happen.
She can hardly stand upright and feels like she’d collapse every moment, but she acts as if she was perfectly alright. And while she feels all that pain, she hates herself for being so stupid, but her feelings are just getting worse. So when she thinks about herself, she realizes that she is sick.
She’s lost confidence and is afraid to do anything, she’s too scared to put her heart into anything again, but even though she does not see any chance to get better soon, she won’t give up and try her best to get back to life.

Yes, I thought it was pretty clear that this was all about love. But now, as I read about her, it turned out that she has had (and is probably still having) a lot of problems with all the pressure on her, being a star and having to produce new songs all the time. So she suffered from a severe burnout for a long time.
Now that I know that, another interpretation of the song would be that all those metaphors for her weakness are actually showing how she feels about all the pressure she cannot bear, and why she is just sitting there at night, as if she was dead (that’s my favourite line of the song, that’s why I’m thinking about it so much).
And now I think of the song as a lot more than a simple love song (although, even for that, it would go deeper than most other love songs I know), and I wanted to write that down before I’ll forget it.