Blossoms and Wine... and an angry girl

I went to Baumblütenfest in Werder. It is the second biggest German Festival, only to be topped by the world famous Oktoberfest. I wanted to go there with 2 friends around noon, when I'd be done with university.

I had actually planned to spend the whole monday afternoon on preparations for a presentation for next monday, but as I also wanted to go to Werder I worked as hard as I could over the weekend to prepare most of the presentation in anvance.

As I had also prepared the homework for the next two days, I went to bed around 2:30 on sunday, only to get up at 6 and get ready for the day. If you want to wear a dress and look gorgeous, there's a lot to do. Wash and treat your hair, shave your legs, use self-tanning lotion, apply heavy loads of long-lasting-never-to-be-removed-make-up and so on.

My friend and I had been like "We both have classes till 11.45, so we should talk afterwards about where and when to meet"..... So I figured we'd be leaving with the train that leaves Friedrichstraße at 12.37, or maybe the next one at 13.07.....
But when he called me at 12, he was all like "Hey, I overslept, only got up. I'll have to take a bath first, so I won't make it too soon."
Bah, that's ok. So it would be the later train, he could easily make it, it only takes about 25 minutes from his place to Friedrichstraße. So I decided I could as well make the best out of the waiting time and walked around a little. I checked on my bank account (shouldn't have done it :-( ) and looked at the newest magazines (And I don't care about Heidi Klum's baby.), then I went back to the platform and sat in the sun. I took out some homework I hadn't finished yet and started to read, when I got a call (12.45): "Hey, in about 10 minutes no.2's (= guy no. 2 - the third one who wanted to come and lives at the same place as guy no.1) brother is about to come, he wanted to give me some beer as a reward for me helping his daughter at school." - "No prob, you guys just take your time :-)" I said. I said it because it's what people expect me to say. How should I have replied? What I'd wanted to say was "If you know you'll get a visitor at 1, don't make appointments for 12." but I am a nice girl. At least I try to be.

So I sat there, knowing that they wouldn't be here for at least another 40 minutes, which was a pretty optimistic guess. I went on going through my homework, but I couldn't really concentrated and the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I mean, what did they think where we were going? The fun at this place is to drink wine in the sunshine and in hot weather, and when it's getting dark it's going to end. I love daytime activity. I always did. I prefer stuff you can do in the sun over all the clubbing in this world. However, if you plan to go on a daytime activity trip, you should try to do it while there's still some day left.
Above that, when we talked for the first time I was still at my university, it was 12, and he couldn't tell me that he would still meet with someone at home in ONE HOUR? How fucking retarded is that?
I could have stayed at my university, I could have worked on my presentation together with my partner who would have had some free time that day. Of course, now she was home. I could have had a comfy place to sit, a lot of dictionnaries and a library filled with books, not even to mention a FREE loo, but instead I had waited for so long at the station.

I decided to go back to university, which is only about 10 minutes to walk. I sat down there and I was so angry that I honestly started to decide that I didn't want to go at all now. It was 1.30 and there was no message whatsoever that they'd even left home yet. I figured that they'd have a few chilled drinks with the beer-donator first. Why didn't they tell me before? If you have other plans for that day, just fucking tell me you won't come, or tell me you'll come later. I thought about the fact that, technically, I'd have waited for them for 2 hours. (I was sure we wouldn't make it before the 2:37 train by now.) I guess any girl in this world who'd have the guts or at least some more dignity would have said "If you want to go now - go. But I've already left an hour ago. You had your chance, if you don't care for my company - why should I care for yous?"

Yes, that's what a normal person would say. Then I told myself that I don't even have that many friends, and I have to keep those I have, and to them, the "call at 12"-thing had never meant we'd leave around that time from the beginning. And I remembered one of the guys once telling me that what he'd like about me was that I was no drama queen. Ha, you just don't know any better! I really wished I was. If I was, they wouldn't make me wait like that.

As it takes only 10 minutes from my university to the station I decided I'd stay there until they told me they'd arrived, then I'd be there in no time. At 2:25 I got a call. A very jolly and happy no.2 told me that they'd be leaving now and be there in 25 minutes.
Apart from the fact that that was even later than I had expected, I was perplexed. Not even the slightest mention of "Sorry we kept you waiting"? That made me even angrier. Even if it might have been my fault that I didn't make it very clear that I had intended to leave no later than 1, they still made me wait for (counting from the first contact till the train we'd catch) 3 fucking hours. Assholes. I really like those guys, but that time, the only thing I thought was "You fucking assholes".
However, I had decided to live up to my "no drama queen" reputation, and as they seemingly didn't even realize they'd done something that made me angry, I decided I would greet them with as much of a broad smile that I was able to do.

When we met at the station they were holding a beer each and they were walking with the speed of a handicapped tortoise. Naaah, don't forget you wanted to smile, girl.
Ooooh, then they praised my outfit. Big deal. I mean, I don't think I look good very often, but my red rose neckholder dress is about the best-fitting piece of clothing I own, and yes, I know that with the matching shoes I look good. You don't have to tell me for the 4th time. And I know that my breasts look nice in it, no need to hint at that for another 10 times. Was that extreme complimenting thing your way to "make up" for the long wait? Or did you just not find any interesting topic to talk about?
Oh, I was so angry! The beer they had brought was their 3rd, so as I had figured before, they had had a jolly drinking time before. It took some effort to be nice to them. I really had a feeling like they had put me in my place that moment. Nice to take along, but don't expect us to change our plans for you.

As the train went on, however, my mood got better. After all, I am friends with them because it's fun and entertaining to be with them. As they were making their jokes and fooling around, I felt my anger was disappearing and when we got off in Werder I was glad that I hadn't decided to go home earlier.

We made our way through the gardens. We started at the "non- commercial" end, you could say. We didn't go to the fair with carousels and stuff, but to the private gardens where the locals would sell their wine and self-made lard and chive bread ( I had both), I tried raspberry wine, currant wine, strawberry - pieplant wine, cherry wine and many more. Alcohol helps a lot when you want to forget that you were angry before. I really enjoyed my time, and as my shoes didn't even hurt yet (and they were the type of "killing you within 20 minutes", that's something!), I felt so good.

Next stop was one of the places where you could dance, a little like a beer garden. There was only one girl dancing (occasionally joined by one other person), and as she was jumping around there, she looked nice. Yeah, for me, that was it. Nothing of further interest here. Yeeaaaah, but I had forgotten with whom I had come here. With the two grandmasters of "oh, let's make new friends." Actually, it is one character treat of them that I really like. They have the ability to just find someone who looks interesting, talk to them and end up spending hours chatting with them, eventually becoming friends afterwards. I envy both of them for that. Wherever they'll go, they'll certainly suffer no loneliness. But that very day, maybe because I was really exhausted from the studying and the lack of sleep, maybe because I had been so angry before, I was extremely annoyed now. They had sat down with the 4 young people - the dancer and her three friends, drinking beer and talking. I know it is selfish and stupid to be like that, but after they had, as far as I was concerned, ignored me for 3 hours before, they ignored me again now, talking with their new great friends. Woooo, awesome. I don't like to talk to people I don't know. I either feel inferior to them or they bore me to death. With those people, both were the case. When one of my guys went to dance with the lonesome dancer girl, her seems-to-be-boyfriend (the guy she was temporarily making out with) was like "They just went dancing, I hope that's ok for you." The remaining guy took turns to tell him that it was not like he thought and we were not dating. I reminded myself to smile harder, had I looked pissed? I don't think so, but during the last weeks on several occasions people would mistake me and some male company for a couple. (..... For example my brother and me when there was a strip show going on in the room next to the one we sat in. We had been in a restaurant with our professor we're working for, and at that moment she mistook us for a couple we looked at each other and decided simultaneously that we were not to sit next to each other next time we go out.)

The dancing girl, half-maniac, had all of her left arm covered with thin scars, neatly placed in an even row. The kind of scars you get from cutting your arm with a razorblade. Some cuts were pretty fresh, others were older. And of cooouuurse, that became a topic pretty soon. What are you supposed to say? I didn't comment at all, but no.1 did. The way it should be commented, if you are a "good person". Yes,the best answer is what the guys said, of course. "Oh, but you're so great, don't do that, you don't need that, blablabla."
I am sorry, but I think different. I hate those people. I simply hate them. Or better: I hate those who sympathize with them. To me, borderline kids are fucking attention whores. That's it.
If you want to cut yourself because you hate yourself, you can do it on your leg, or your belly, or any place that cannot be shown to others that easily. That girl was the typical case of the opposite, as far as I'm concerned. She had made sure that everyone can see how much she's suffering, just to get people to pity her and tell her how great she is.
Attention whore. Fucking attention whore. I hate her kind.

Don't get me wrong: She was a super sweet girl and really nice to all of us, she was especially nice to me, complimenting me (and of course I returned it) and stuff, but.... I wouldn't want to spend more time than necessary with her kind.

And I hate when people give them the attention they seek, it's almost as if they praise them for what they do. It reminds me of dogs looking at you with those deep, sad eyes when you're sitting at the dinner table, and some jerk gives them food, because they look so sweet and pitiful. Those idiots don't even realize that the dog had been fed 1 hour ago and it's far away from pitiful, but actually calculating. Pathetic.
I hate it when people are pathetic like that. That's why borderline kids will NEVER see me give them any attention. It makes me sick.

The 4 of them are cooks, some of them working at Hackescher Markt in Berlin, the others in Prenzlauer Berg. They had met at work and had come to Werder together. Well, that's nice, I like cooking, it's a good job, I think.

One of them started to talk to me, aaaaaaaaaaaand..... oh, when they ask "and what exactly do you study?" I should finally learn to answer "economics". It was the fucking same talk that I had had millions of times before. "Can you speak Japanese? Have you been over there? What do you want to do there? But isn't Japan expensive?"
Then he got creative. To make things short: If I'll ever move to Japan, I am to open a German restaurant and guess who'll be my partner/cook? Of course, it seems that I'd have to bring the start-up money.
When I sat there and talked to him I felt like "can we FINALLY leave? Please?", but as the others decided that we could continue our way together, the more the merrier, I wanted to throw up. I'm sorry, but those people bored me. I didn't find them interesting, and now I was tied to them.
Remember, keep smiling!

Some time later, our groups seperated and the three of us made our way to the water. The guys seemed to be searching for some place, I didn't get it though, as I was always a few meters behind them due to my shoes that were not suited for sand paths (but they looked hot, so who cares?).
Very soon it became clear: They were searching for the meeting point they had made with the other guys. I had no intention to listen to their boring chatting any longer, but it seemed I had no choice. What should I say, after all?
"I hate those guys. You talk to them as much as you want. I'm going home."

Naaah, I'm not like that.

So, same procedure as last beer garden. Everyone sitting together, babbling about unimportant stuff. My 2 guys were going to the water, they had decided to go swimming and searched for a place where it would be possible to get into the water naked without further trouble. First, they only went to the clostest place, but then they just started to walk away.
And left me there with those people I did not like. And they went further and further away, and I realized that they wanted to go swimming NOW, not later. As one of them had left his cell on the table I had figured they'd come back once more to get their stuff before they'd hit the water. I called the guy who still had his cell on him and told them to wait for me, I'd be coming too.

And again, I was annoyed. I had been left behind, I was sitting there with those people I had no connection with, and I had wanted to go swimming too, what the hell were they thinking?
I didn't care anymore, I muttered some excusion to the others, grabbed the cell phone and went to the guys. Finally something I liked.
We undressed and got into the water, it was much warmer than I had expected and it felt really good to swim around a little. I had not drunk too much, especially not since we had "made friends", so I felt safe to leave for the other side of the river and swam over there. Finally, I was relieved that I was all alone for a moment and could make the face that I wanted to make. It was not a happy one. But as I had the chance to let it out a little, and as it was a great feeling in the water, my mood got back up again. This was so much fun, I looooooooove swimming.

Borderline girl and her boyfriend joined us as well and everyone had a great time in the water. After we got out, dried and got dressed again, we went back to where we had come from. When we reached a place where they sold beer the guys started to talk to the barkeeper and ordered their beer. Yeah, talking again. I stood beside them, I had neither the urge to drink nor anything to say. Sorry, I'm boring. The barkeeper turned to me and said "They aren't exactly taking any notice of you, huh?" and then she gave me a little bottle of liquor. I smiled and replied in a joke, but actually, I thought "Yep. Exactly." I bought a beer from her afterwards. I felt like I should repay her for being nice to me, and I also thought that when I'd have to keep on acting as if I had loads of fun while I was bored as hell, I might at least have a cold drink.

As expected, they talked (and seemed to enjoy themselves) about how many people you need to serve a certain amount of guests. Wow. So interesting.

I stopped listening and watched the colourful lights of the different carousels around us. After some time, they got me back to reality by asking me if I wouldn't like to join them back in Berlin for another couple of beers. Next day's classes were probably not that interesting, could be skipped, right? Like university wasn't that important, was it?
Hah, too funny. I love to do something like that spontaneously, homework was pretty much prepared, I could have easily done it. But I refused. Drew the "so tired" card. I was really tired, but that wouldn't keep me from a chilled beer, and as I am a good girl and well aware of the fact that my number one priority in life should be my education I would still attend university the next day at 10. No problems there, but I had spent some extremely boring hours with those people. I was glad that it would be over when the last train to the city would draw closer. And now, continue this torture like open end? Fuck me, you can go, I'll prefer my bed, and staring at the white walls of my room would be more interesting than them.

As I went to the loo later on, only my 2 guys were left when I came back to where we had been seated, and we went to the station on our own and took the last train.
Guy no.2 was all like "Oh, I don't know, you've been a little bitchy today." and I was like "Huh? I didn't realize that. I'm sorry if it seemed that way, I was just really tired, but I really enjoyed today."
And I thougth "Guess what, genius. Maybe I did not have such a great time as you guys did?"

I was almost happy when they finally got off the train one station before me. It felt like "I got rid of them."
I had been looking forward to that day so very much, and now I felt like it had been a complete mess. I had felt so uncomfortable, first the long wait, then nothing interesting to talk about, just beer in the end. How much better had it been last year, when I had been there with people who were more like me.
Well, it was me who had decided to ask the guys for the trip. I should have known it would be like that. And actually, it was not that bad. The sunshine was beautiful, the blossoms' scent was nice, the wine tasted great, and in many ways I had a great time. Though it might sound like a complete disaster, the truth is that I enjoyed most of the trip. That's just for the record. Yet I am not writing this blog for all the beautiful perfect sunshine memories, but for the ones that I won't tell people in person cuz I don't want to make them feel bad.

So, actually it was a nice trip, but still.... it sucked.

I sound like an attention whore myself, huh? I don't think I am, though. Most of my bad mood was because of the long wait before the trip. About those people they made friends with: As I said, I like that about them. And if I had tried harder, maybe I could have talked to those guys in a better and more interesting way, but I can't bring myself to that. I don't like to become so close with people I have barely met. I don't like to talk to foreigners. My guys had a good time, but I was only sitting next to them and said nothing. That's not really their fault, but.... bah, I don't know. I just felt left out, and, as always when I go out with others: Everyone had a better time than me. Maybe I am just not made for socializing.



Ninja Mode Level 32